im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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