Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
