Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
