yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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