I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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