I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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