mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
