singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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