omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
