Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
