its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
