She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
