what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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