By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
