I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
