I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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