I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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