Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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