i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
