You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
