There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
