3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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