The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
