i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
