Ketchup is God's man juice
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
