tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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