it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
