he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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