That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
