I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
