Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
