I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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