Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
