what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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