So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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