the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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