He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fuck appropriateness.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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