i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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