his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
