I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
