Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
