So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
