I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
