you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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