when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
