Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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