You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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