THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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