why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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