hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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