i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
